I recently received a small box with an Amazon label on it. I get one every day, almost, but this time I opened it and it contained—five ARCs (Advance Review Copies) of my upcoming book The Lost Tourist in Egypt. These ARCs came from my publisher, LBB (Level Best Books), which publishes mysteries and other genres.
My first reaction was not pride, joy or surprise; it was fear. I actually had to calm myself down as my brain went to fear of public speaking (sometimes required when you publish), fear of a hosting a book party or signing, fear of what “people” might think or say. Am I a closet writer?
I’m trying to become more fearless in this later stage of life, to be unafraid unless warranted (such as threat to life or limb or threat to my loved ones). I’ve had many fears and dare I say, phobias in my life, most having to do with judgement from others, fear of saying or doing the wrong thing, speaking in publish, and many others. Why can’t I have a normal phobia, like fear of needles (doesn’t phase me) or fear of elevators (ditto)?
I belong to a book club (zoom), and the most recent one was a fellow “Sister in Crime Colorado,” who wrote a book where the protagonist is a serial killer. Mind you, this club is filled with cozy mystery readers, nary a serial killer in print.
I like the way she handled any criticism or cringy comments, but it made me think–you are not your book and neither are you a character in your book. This woman occasionally flashed a slight look of embarrassment, and I cringed by proxy for her.
But, I came away with advice for myself; write the best book, the best words, the truest words and story (according to you) that you can. And, by the way, edit edit edit. Don’t let criticism, which is fated to arrive, or shame soak into you. Deflect it and get on with your next book.
True, this book for which I got my first box of Advanced Reader’s Copies, is a mid-list wanna-be book, most likely never destined to make much money or readership, but may encourage me to keep on with this hobby-dream of mine, one for which I waited probably decades.
So, I will tip-toe into this experience until I decide to dive in head-first. I’m not expecting awards, accolades or blessings from Oprah, but to be heard, to be read, to be what everyone wants to be–relevant.
Here is the ARC for my new book coming out in November. I have a 3-book contract and am working on book 2.
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